What to Say (and Not Say) When an Employee Shares ADHD or Autism
What’s the right way to respond when someone at work tells you they have ADHD or autism?
For the person disclosing, it can be nerve-wracking, it was for me. It usually comes after weeks, months, or even years of hesitation. I weighed whether I’d be understood, judged, or supported. Sharing that you’re autistic or have ADHD with a manager is deeply personal.
That’s why your response as a manager matters so much.
What Managers Should Do
Pause and thank them. Acknowledge this may have taken a lot to share.
Center the individual. ADHD and autism look different in every person.
Ask how you can be of support. The simplest questions can build the most trust.
Don’t leave it to them to teach you everything. This doesn’t require you to be an expert in ADHD or autism. What it does require is curiosity, openness, and a willingness to listen and learn on your own from reliable resources.
What Managers Shouldn’t Do
Certain responses are harmful, even if they’re well-intentioned:
“Everyone’s a little ADHD.”
“You don’t look autistic.”
“Have you tried harder?”
“It’s just an excuse.”
These phrases minimize the person’s reality and can trigger shame or rejection sensitivity. They don’t help.
Why This Matters
ADHD and autism are protected disabilities under the ADA. Accommodations are a legal right, but they’re also a path to stronger workplaces. Adjustments like flexible deadlines or collaborative planning sessions don’t just help neurodivergent employees — they make teams more effective overall.
When managers respond with empathy, they gain more engaged, more productive employees.
Resources like AskJan can be a big help for accommodations in the workplace.
My Favorite Phrase
I like to ask: “How can I be here for you in this moment?”
Sometimes the answer is: “I just need you to know.” Other times, it’s a request for accommodations. Whatever the response, it builds trust and opens dialogue.
The takeaway: When employees share ADHD or autism, it’s a moment to lean in, listen and learn how to support your team. It’s an invitation to collaborate. Respond with curiosity, respect, and support — and you’ll not only help your employee, you’ll strengthen your whole workplace.
👉 If this resonates, consider sharing this post with your manager, your HR team, or a colleague. And if you’d like more reflections on neurodiversity and work, subscribe below for more.